did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
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Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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