Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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