i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
