the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
