Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
