birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize