dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
