my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
