my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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