One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
my poor anus
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
