sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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