Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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