my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
