Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
