R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
