i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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