First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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