Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
