we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
