I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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