Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
