is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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