I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you had me at cake vodka
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
