please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
