my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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