Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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