I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
