I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
