I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
