He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
