bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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