Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
