I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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