I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
