So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
