Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
