So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
