I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
