just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My cat gives me a boner
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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