life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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