I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
