i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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