I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
