I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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