we're chasing vodka with high fives
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
