I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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