Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
