Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
