I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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