Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
