Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
