tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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