remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
