You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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