Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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