I want to walk on stilts...naked
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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