Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
