Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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