Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
