first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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