So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
