Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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