he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
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I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He shit in the fireplace
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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