I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize