my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
