So drunk its hurt
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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