and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I came so hard my ears popped.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
