batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
