He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
