just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We're too hungover to prance.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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