I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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