apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
