But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
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I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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