i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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