just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is this like a preordered booty call?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
