my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
