Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
